Taylor SwiftIf there was ever a more mediocre person set for world domination in the history of this planet I must have missed them. Little Miss Taylor has managed to take her okay looks, okay singing voice, okay song writing and become the queen of...pop music? Country music? A mutated hybrid of both perhaps? A truly lonesome creature, slugging its way around somewhere between CMC and the Disney Channel, bloodthirsty for vengeance against its creator.
She has played the sympathy card for well over a year now and frankly it wasn't that terrible in the first place. Kanye stole her mic for a few seconds, said what everyone was thinking then gave it back to her. He didn't steal her kitty and put it in the microwave, although that would have made for better television. The genius of Swift has nothing to do with her "songwriting" but everything to do with the fact that she was taken that overblown incident and with the help of the sensitive when the situation calls for it media , has maintained a steady stream of guilt driven accolades. Taking her fan base that formally consisted of only teeny boppers to now including every single angry soccer mom and music critic in America.
Jersey ShoreI refuse to believe we live in a world that is going to give these people more then their fifteen minutes. Are we? Are we really? Are we people that give talentless morons second seasons and book deals and spin offs and in the process some kind of twisted credibility? This truly can't be life. Somewhere deep inside of me I thought I felt a paradigm shift right around the 08 election. Perhaps foolishly I had the notion that the general public of this country were going to get past reality television but in reality, reality television has only gotten far worse... giving us this abomination of the human spirit.
I honestly thought it wouldn't last but it looks like it might. A suntanned cancer spreading rapidly around pop culture. For reasons unbeknown to me otherwise intelligent people, like some of my friends, continue to breath new life into this thing. So until they stop tuning in I guess I can't really be mad at the paramecium brains on the show. Like monkeys in a zoo they'll hop, skip and jump until people stop knocking on the glass.
Oprah WinfreyWherever she goes she can take that little salvia ingesting rat in the picture with her. But it looks like Oprah ain't going anywhere soon. Sure her afternoon show is one for the history books but that isn't stopping her quest to assemble an army of depressed housewives to do her bidding at a moment's notice.
This woman has some balls man I'll give her that. I had the displeasure of accidentally tuning into her new network OWN, as in "I will own you weakling, ahahahahaha!"...and her programming really consists of the following shows...Oprah's Search for you Own Show, Oprah presents Master Class, Behind the Scenes of Oprah's 25th Season, Oprah's Guide to Own...obviously she's losing a show but gaining 3 or 4 more. Not only that but now she has a forum to give all of her "All Stars" (worthless friends) a show too...everyone is there from the horrible human being that is "Dr". Phil to a woman that is almost as shamelessly self-assured as Oprah herself, Gayle King. I will now provide a link if the thought of watching Oprah 24 hours a day is one that is exciting to you. http://www.oprah.com/own
But know only this. The more we watch her, the stronger her channel gets, the more relevant she stays. So in 50 years when Oprah is still around and looks exactly the same (because she was able to afford some type of anti-aging device) and technology has grown to the point of holographic projections into households. She will be there. On your couch, telling you what books to read, what food to eat and commanding you to love her. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Sarah PalinShe's downhill on a slippery slope already. From laughable vice-presidential candidate to laughable reality television star in something like two short years. There is really nowhere left to go but the cover of Playboy or Dancing with the Stars, I mean her daughter was already there but that would be merely dress rehearsal compared to Mama Grizzly herself.
There are still some misinformed, not so bright people out there that may think she has a serious career in politics still but even those people are starting to teeter off, with every televised salmon fishing trip and impossibly stupid tweet, they teeter off. Praise the Baby Jesus they're teetering off!
Will Smith's KidsFrom his days as the Fresh Prince all the way up to his reign as one of the biggest movie stars on the planet I have been a mild fan of Will. He put out good enough hiphop music in his early days and has starred in a decent amount of perfectly acceptable films. More so then a fan though I've been in awe of how he has managed to evolve and stay relevant. The Philly boy hustles there's no doubt about that.
So when I see his kids, outside of some of their fashion choices, they seem sweet enough. Their the kin of Hollywood royalty so careers in music and movies are inevitable. But why now? They're all but ten and their parents were seemingly in the middle of great careers. I want them to go away for no other reason then to let their folks continue their go at it. Even Jada, always an underrated and unappreciated actress in my eyes. I need less whipping of the hair and more battling extraterrestrials and George Foreman.
Teen-aged, Angst filled vampires, wizards, werewolves, warlocks, etc.
Back in the eighties and early nineties it seemed like this type of stuff was a bit more hardcore, this is something I know for sure because I was a geek. It was a subculture of kids that owned this lore and it manifested in basements and comic shops across America. Other worldly things not suited for the glossy, candy coated mainstream. Even the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series as popular as it was seemed to stay closer to the grittiness of its source material. Then sometime after that, things started to change.
Vampires were no longer scary creatures that lurked in the night and viciously sucked the blood from your neck, they kept diaries and fell in love...sulked around in skinny jeans. Werewolves were tortured souls, trapped between the human and animal world, now they're shirtless bozos more ready for an Abercrombie and Fitch ad then a good old fashioned feasting on human flesh. Wizards and warlocks were usually bearded old men, worn down and haunted from their battles with dragons and other supernatural beasts. Now there's Harry Potter.
I dunno, call me crazy but I long for the days when teen angst manifested itself in the form of dusty, marathon long Dungeons and Dragons games and the only person that might take you to see the new vampire flick was Dad because he remembered how fond he was of the old vampire flicks. Not Mom because she wants to see that one cute actor with the nice hair and washboard abs.
In 2011 I want Harry to graduate from whatever Sorcerer Academy he attends, I want Jacob and Larry or whatever their names are to violently kill one another in one last epic showdown and take that girl with them and I want all the other supernatural teens to grow up and move on, once again making room for the grotesque beasts and vengeful, immortal murderers of yesteryear.
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